Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
