Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
