You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
