if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
