please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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