When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
