Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
