you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
