I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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