it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
