Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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