I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
