you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
