I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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