Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
