Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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