i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
