i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
