if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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