is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
