i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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