It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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