Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
