also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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