hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
