who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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