I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
