Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
