Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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