I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
