i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
