Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
