its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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