Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
