Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
