As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
