it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
