you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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