i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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