dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
