get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
