You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
