Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
