It's Friday. Sex?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
