I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
