so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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