My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
