this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
do herpes really smell.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
