capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
