My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
