he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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