I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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