I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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