PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize