speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
