i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
