At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
