You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All I want is dick and wine.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize