Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
