I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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