I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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