I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
