Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
