Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
