Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize