So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I need to stop coming to work sober
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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