If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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