Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
