She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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