We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
