i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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