gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
