I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
